he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
