Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
