Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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