You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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