it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
