picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
