This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
