Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
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I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
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lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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