True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
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