If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
