I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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