I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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