I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
