At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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