i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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