Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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