I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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