Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
