so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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