Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
