glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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