so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
