I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
