I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We are two peas in an std pod
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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