Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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