i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
