Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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