Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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