We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
