I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
