Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
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The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
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The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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