first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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