respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
