If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You're earring is so big in my mouth
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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