So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
