Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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