She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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