Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
