Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
