take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
