Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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