One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
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Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
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i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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