I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
