sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
