Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
