we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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