Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
