She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
