Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
