I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
