like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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