I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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