drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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