You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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