So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
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He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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