I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
