I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Randomize
