So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
