she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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