i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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