just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
