That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
