i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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